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A woman's response to abuse is often limited by the options available to her (119). Women consistently cite similar reasons that they remain in abusive relationships: fear of retribution, lack of other means of economic support, concern for the children, emotional dependence, lack of support from family and friends, and an abiding hope that “he will change” (10, 131, 330, 413, 488). In developing countries women cite the unacceptability of being single or unmarried as an additional barrier that keeps them in destructive marriages (169, 368, 488).

At the same time, denial and fear of social stigma often prevent women from reaching out for help. In surveys, for example, from 22% to almost 70% of abused women say that they have never told anyone about their abuse before being asked in the interview (see Table 3). Those who reach out do so primarily to family members and friends. Few have ever contacted the police.

Despite the obstacles, many women eventually do leave violent partners—even if after many years, once the children are grown (129, 227). In León, Nicaragua, for example, the likelihood that an abused woman will eventually leave her abuser is 70%. The median time that women spend in a violent relationship is five years. Younger women are more likely to leave sooner (131).

Studies suggest a consistent set of factors that propel women to leave an abusive relationship: The violence gets more severe and triggers a realization that “he” is not going to change, or the violence begins to take a toll on the children. Women also cite emotional and logistical support from family or friends as pivotal in their decisions to leave (52, 62, 65, 69, 202, 413).

Leaving an abusive relationship is a process. The process often includes periods of denial, self-blame, and endurance before women come to recognize the abuse as a pattern and to identify with other women in the same situation. This is the beginning of disengagement and recovery. Most women leave and return several times before they finally leave once and for all (264).

Regrettably, leaving does not necessarily guarantee a woman's safety. Violence sometimes continues and may even escalate after a woman leaves her partner (227). In fact, a woman's risk of being murdered is greatest immediately after separation (60).

Hesperian Foundation (54)

A women's response to abuse is often limited by the options available to her.